


Discord's Demented Depravity Games

by bladespark



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Clowns, Coercion, Diapers, Did I mention weirdness?, Dildos, Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, Fetish, Foot Fetish, Humiliation, Latex, Macro/Micro, No Sex, Scat, Tea Parties, Tentacles, Weirdness, jello wrestling, just kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 00:08:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladespark/pseuds/bladespark
Summary: A bored Discord is a dangerous Discord. When tea parties, pranks, and being good all fail to keep him entertained, he decides that it's time to be evil again. Now he's kidnapped the mane six, and Celestia and Luna have to solve a series of increasingly perverse puzzles in order to save Twilight and her friends.





	1. The Perfect Tea Party

**Author's Note:**

> This is a commissioned story. Don't blame me. (Well, you can blame me for some of it. The jello wrestling chapter was my idea. The rest, not so much.) 
> 
> This story contains no actual intercourse.
> 
> It's not quite my usual fare, you will find only the barest hints of plot or character development here. That's okay, sometimes a body just wants something for the spank bank. Feel free to privately bookmark rather than publicly kudo if you like. If you're into certain things this one will probably do it for you, if you're not, it won't.
> 
> This first chapter has no fetish material at all. There are "warnings" at the top of each following chapter so people into some fetishes but not others can skip anything they won't enjoy.

Discord blew out a stream of bubbles, then took a sip of his tea. An octopus scuttled by on the sea floor near Discord's hoof. A school of kipper swirled past in the distance, flashing their silver sides. A sailfish swooped by in a rush of bubbles. On the other side of the table that sat on the sea floor, ranks of coral rose toward the shifting light above, and small, brightly colored fish darted among them. Fluttershy's wide eyes flicked from one sea creature to another, her mouth slightly open, her lips curving upward, her teacup almost forgotten in front of her.

Discord smiled beatifically, a faint halo appearing above his head for a moment. This was truly his tea party masterpiece. After years' worth of tea parties with Fluttershy, the parties had reached their pinnacle. They were drinking tea under water, surrounded by fascinating sea creatures. The sheer absurdity of drinking a liquid while at the bottom of the ocean could not possibly have been improved upon, so Discord was delighted on his own account, and the reef they supped beside was filled with animal life, so Fluttershy was equally delighted.

It was a _perfect_ tea party. It was so perfect it might almost make one cry.

But all too soon the last drop of paradoxical tea had been sipped and the last impossibly dry teacake had been eaten, and the perfect tea party drew to an end. Discord returned Fluttershy to her cottage, then retired to the realm of chaos. His home lay everywhere and nowhere, and contained everything, yet nothing, for nothing there was truly real. He floated amid a comforting cacophony of sight, sound and scent and considered what to do next.

The simple fact was, he was bored.

He'd been bored for quite some time.

Previously, when he'd been bored, he'd caused some intrusion of chaos on the world, making ponies dance for his amusement. Now, of course, he was "good", so he wasn't supposed to do that kind of thing.

Still, "good" ponies indulged in practical jokes from time to time, did they not? He'd observed Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie both pranking other ponies. Surely a harmless prank would be permitted?

He popped into existence above Ponyville. Time to have some fun.

****

Twilight Sparkle heard a scream in the distance. Her ears pricked up, though her eyes remained fixed on the book in front of her. But she quickly recognized the scream; it was Lily, no doubt having one of her near-daily meltdowns about nothing in particular. Her ears went back down and her full attention returned to the book.

Then a second, rather masculine scream joined it.

Oh dear.

With a sigh Twilight placed a bookmark in the book and set it on the table. She rose and exited the library, then made her way through the halls of the public portion of her castle, towards the grand throne room and the exit beyond.

Outside, a quick scan revealed no large or obvious threat to Ponyville. Another scream sounded, and she could see a few ponies running away from the town proper, one heading directly towards her castle. She sighed. It wasn't an Ursa, or a tornado, or anything large and obvious like that, but apparently something really was threatening the town. She took wing and flew towards the town center.

From above it was even more apparent that ponies were fleeing from the town square. Then she caught a glimpse of a multi-colored serpentine form whipping along the street below. It was chasing a stallion, whose wide-eyed panic was apparently even at this distance.

"Gotcha!" shouted an all-too familiar voice, and Discord sprang, his long body passing over the stallion, hitting the ground on the far side in a puff of dust. The wide-eyed stallion instantly vanished, replaced by a large bullfrog, who sat in equally wide-eyed astonishment in the middle of the street.

Discord laughed and looked around, no doubt seeking another pony.

Twilight dove.

"Discord!"

The draconequus looked up as as scowling Twilight landed in a flurry of wings. "Twilight! How nice to see you."

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm playing leap-frog, of course!"

Twilight gave a stern look to Discord, who had put an expression of exaggerated innocence that was all too familiar on his face.

"Turn him back," said Twilight flatly.

Discord's face fell. "I was only-"

"Turn him back now."

"Oh fine, fine, just... just _be that way_. You ponies don't know how to have any fun." Discord snapped his fingers at the frog turned back into a stallion. The pony looked at Twilight, then at Discord, and ribbited.

"Discord..."

"It's fine, the ribbits are a harmless side effect, I promise. They'll wear off in just a few hours."

"All right," said Twilight suspiciously. "You'll be in trouble if they don't."

Discord pouted. "I was just having a little bit of fun. You can't blame me for getting bored."

"Why don't you just... I don't know, go have a tea party with Fluttershy or something?"

"A tea party?" Discord's expression turned suddenly serious. "A tea party?!" he shouted.

Twilight blinked and took a step back.

Suddenly Discord was ten times his usual size. " **A TEA PARTY**?" he roared.

"There's no need to shout," said Twilight carefully, trying to remain calm. Discord scowled at her, but shrank back to his normal size. He stalked up to her and waved one eagle's talon in her face.

"I will have you know that I've had hundreds of tea parties. I have had every kind of tea party imaginable. Tea parties with living teddy bears, tea parties on the moon, and tea parties in the depths of R'lyeh. Tea parties with cupcakes, tea parties with pop tarts, tea parties with cucumber sandwiches, and tea parties with tea hand picked by Chinese dragons. I have come up with tea parties and tea parties and tea parties. Just today I had the tea party I had been saving for last, the best and brightest and most perfect of tea parties, and there are no more tea parties to be had! I have reached the limits of chaos, I have reached the limits of imagination, I have had every kind of tea party that one can have! **There. Are. No. More. Tea. Parties!** "

"I... uh..."

"So I wanted to have some other kind of fun. Your stupid alicorn sisters locked me up for a thousand years, Twilight. I never had any fun whatsoever for all that time. And you! You defeated me far too swiftly! I didn't get to play hardly at all! It's not fair, Twilight. It really isn't. So today I wanted to play a teensy tiny, totally harmless prank. But noooooooooooooo, Twilight Sparkle, chief officer of the fun police had to turn up and tell me not to. Aren't I allowed to enjoy myself sometimes, Twilight?"

"Well, er, yes, but-"

"Does being 'good' now mean I can never play pranks?"

"No, of course not, but-"

"You keep saying 'but', Twilight. But 'good' ponies only have boring little pranks like invisible ink or sneeze powder, the kind of bland tripe one can buy in a joke shop, is that what you're saying? I am _Discord! _I am _chaos!_ I am better than invisible ink, and I am sick and tired of being good!"__

__Then, with a massive whoosh of fire and a puff of smoke that smelled alarmingly of sulfur, Discord vanished, leaving Twilight and the stunned former frog to stand alone in the street._ _

__"Uh oh," said Twilight._ _

____

****

Discord was home again. He coiled around himself restlessly, his body rubbing and twisting and looping endlessly around. He muttered under his breath as he did so, an endless stream of inventive curses against ponies and boredom and boring ponies and the very concept of being good.

It was time to be bad.

It was time to cut loose.

He'd tried being good, and it certainly had its rewards, but it was boring, boring, boring, _boring!_

Every time he attempted something really fun, some stupid alicorn just had to turn up to interfere! Even when he was on their side, they wouldn't let him play at all!

Well no more. He'd show them. He'd unleash every bit of chaos, every thought, every plan, every terrible, awful, and _fun_ idea he'd ever had on their sanctimonious little horned heads.

As he twisted around himself, his sinuous tail rubbed between his legs and he had a sudden thought.

He was actually more than a little bit horny.

He hadn't been laid in centuries. He'd thought about it recently, but somehow the idea of trying the depravities he craved with dear, sweet Fluttershy just didn't seem right, and who else would have him as a "good" lover? But if he was going to be bad, why not be _truly_ bad? Why not be the depraved sort of bad?

His restless motion ceased and a slow, lascivious smile spread across his face as he thought of some of the fantasies he'd come up with while imprisoned in stone and forced to watch ponies go about their lives in front of his immobile form. Some of the best times had been when a couple had thought themselves alone in the palace gardens and had fucked right in front of his frozen form. He'd imagined a thousand perversions on those nights.

Perhaps it was time to make some of those perversions reality.

And given who had been responsible for his imprisonment, he knew _just_ how to start the fun.

****

"Your mail, your highness." Celestia's secretary delivered the modest stack of letters with a little bow.

"Thank you Raven," said Celestia, smiling. As always, she was glad to see the small size of the pile. If Raven hadn't dealt with most of the mail, Celestia would have drowned in letters. As it was, they were winnowed down to only those that required her personal touch, and those that Raven knew she'd enjoy dealing with. Letters from foals, most frequently. Those were always a delight.

Celestia spread out the array of envelopes, and picked up the first. She worked her way steadily through them, pausing now and then to have a sip of tea. When she finished, she set the final reply in her out box and took the final sip from her cup. Perfectly timed!

Then she frowned. There was another envelope on her desk. She'd been quite certain she'd dealt with all of them. How had she missed this one? It was a bright, garish pink too, so it wasn't as though it was easily overlooked.

She lifted it carefully in her magic, seeking hidden spells or traps, but sensed nothing. It seemed to be perfectly ordinary paper, sealed with an ornate omega in acid green wax that clashed violently with the envelope itself. Feeling a strange sense of trepidation, Celestia cracked the wax and opened the envelope. Inside was a card, the sort that might contain an invitation to a birthday party or other such occasion. "You're invited!" was emblazoned across the front, along with a clutter of brightly colored confetti sprinkles.

Perhaps it was from Pinkie Pie? She might be capable of bending reality like this, though the omega sigil didn't seem to be her style.

_My Dearest Princess Poopyhead,_  
_You are cordially invited to save all of Equestria by rescuing your cute little set of six heroes. I currently have them in my dastardly clutches. Bring your sister, tell nopony else._  
_-Sincerely, Discord_

_P.S. Yes I'm evil again. Deal with it._

Next to the words "Deal with it" was a crude little doodle of Discord wearing sunglasses.

Celestia stared for a moment, then put her hoof over her face and heaved a deep sigh. This was definitely not what she needed right now. True, there wasn't anything particularly urgent that required her attention at the moment, but still, she never got enough free time to take a vacation, she hardly wanted to take time away from ruling to save Twilight and her friends. That was why she _had_ Twilight and her friends! She'd groomed them very carefully so that they could deal with all those immediate disasters and leave her to peacefully sort out Equestria's tax code and other such soothingly predictable tasks.

"Sister?" Luna's head poked in the door of her office. A vivid purple envelope sealed with neon orange wax floated in her magic.

"You got one too, hmm?"

Luna's eyes went to the pink monstrosity on Celestia's desk. "Indeed. What shall we do?"

"Deal with it however we must," said Celestia.

"Oh goodie! I was hoping you'd want to come to my party!" said Discord's voice from thin air. Suddenly the palace was gone, replaced by a swirling, chaotic void. Discord himself hung before them, his body twisting and coiling in the paradoxical space. "Welcome!"

Celestia's breath caught. They were in Discord's realm of chaos. Anything else he dished out she might have found a way to counter, but this... The laws of reality operated differently here, and her solar magic was utterly out of reach. Her more ordinary unicorn magic might work, but it might not. That was the nature of this place, it was chaotic. And it answered to only one will, that of the draconequus who now floated before the alicorn pair.

"Discord," spat Luna. "What nonsense is this?"

"The _fun_ kind!" said Discord with a broad grin. "The kind where I win. See?" A window, complete with shutters and panes, appeared in front of them. The shutters swung open, revealing a room beyond. It was largely in shadow, but six dim glows illuminated six large glass tubes. A familiar equine form floated in each one. One purple alicorn, one white unicorn, two pegasi, yellow and blue, and two earth ponies, pink and orange. All appeared to be asleep.

"Very well," said Celestia. "I assume you want something from us in exchange for their freedom?"

"How perceptive of you! I do indeed."

"What?" said Luna flatly, her expression dark. She had never truly believed in Discord's reform, she had always remained suspicious of him, but she was not happy to be proved right.

"I want to play a game," said Discord, his face suddenly distorted into a creepy ventriloquist doll's visage.

Celestia tried to jump back from him, and Luna spread her wings with an oath, as if she would fly to flee or attack, but neither was able to move within the chaos realm where they were trapped.

Discord laughed. "It will be such fun! I have a maze here, a series of rooms full of delightful puzzles. I want you two to solve them. Once you've solved them all, I'll release your little saviors of Equestria and everything can go back to normal."

"How can we trust that you'll keep your word?" snapped Luna.

Discord laughed again. "Oh my sweet summer child!" He reached out and pinched Luna's cheek with his lion's paw. "You can't. But you have no choice. I have you here, in my realm, and here you will stay until all the puzzles are solved. So let the games begin!" And with that he snapped his fingers and the roiling chaos was washed away in a brilliant white light.


	2. Cum and Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains humiliation, dildos, fake cum, and mare cum.

When the light faded, Celestia and Luna found themselves in a large, mostly empty room. It was a plain cube, with walls that were flat and mostly featureless, though each one was painted in a different garish color. The floor and ceiling were painted as well, bright neon shades that rather hurt the eyes. There were no windows, and there were also no doors. The room's only features were two large computer screens set into one wall and a kind of pedestal or podium in the center of the room which had a large red button on top of it. Celestia walked over to the button and rolled her eyes. It was marked with a quite clear picture of a penis.

"Not much of a puzzle if there's only one thing you can do," said Luna, looking at the button with disdain.

"Knowing Discord's idea of a joke, I'd rather not push that," said Celestia. "Let's make certain there are no other options first."

Luna nodded and the two mares searched the room thoroughly. Every inch of all four walls were inspected. The screens were examined thoroughly for buttons or switches or any other way to activate them. The floor was tapped and poked, even the ceiling was explored in detail, but there were no hidden switches, no secret doors. Just brightly painted concrete with one obvious option.

Finally, with a long-suffering sigh, Celestia put a hoof on the cock button and pushed it.

A whooping klaxon sounded and two previously invisible holes in the floor opened up. A pair of pedestals rose slowly, and each one was topped with a large rubber dildo, realistically shaped like a stallion's cock, complete with balls. They rose, wobbling gently, until they were at about hip height, positioned such that the alicorn mares could climb onto them if they so desired.

Celestia rolled her eyes again, while Luna glared at the lewd objects with obvious disgust. In front of them, the screens suddenly came to life, each one displaying a line drawing of a similar cock, with horizontal lines across them at regular intervals, as if they were rulers.

"And just what are we supposed to do now?" said Luna, still scowling.

"I'm afraid it's all too obvious." Celestia reached out with one hoof and poked the dildo in front of her. A thin line of red appeared at the bottom of the matching drawing on the screen. She stroked a hoof down the cock and more red appeared, filling up the dick-diagram from the bottom.

"Ah," said Luna. With a sigh she reached out and stroked the cock before her as well, and her diagram began to fill.

Celestia shook her head at the absurdity of this all, and then sighed as she noticed the red lines on her diagram sink back down and vanish. Apparently she would have to keep it up. She sat down in front of the dildo and put both hooves on it, and started to stroke it regularly. Slowly the red crept up the diagram. Luna emulated her sister, pumping the false cock up and down. The red line rose at a glacial pace, and if she paused for even an instant it would sink back down. Sometimes it sank back down for no reason at all. It was immensely frustrating. Both alicorns just wanted to get this ordeal over with.

With a scowl of annoyance, Celestia stroked the dildo faster. The red line rose a little more, but it still was taking a small eternity. An idea suddenly came to her. If this was meant to imitate a real cock becoming aroused, perhaps she could speed things up a little bit. Though it would be a further humiliation. Still, she didn't want to be here all day. She leaned in and licked the dildo.

As she'd expected, the red line jumped higher. Celestia sighed. Bad enough she had to touch the stupid thing, now she had to fellate it. Wonderful.

Luna looked over at Celestia, who was now wrapping her lips around the rubber head of her toy. The dark alicorn scowled and stubbornly just kept stroking. Celestia shoved the cock down her throat and tried to give a decent blowjob, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. The red on the screen in front of her rose higher and higher. Finally it reached the top and a klaxon sounded, the whole screen flashing red. Celestia pulled back from the fake cock with a sigh of relief. It was over.

Then the cock suddenly spurted out a gush of sticky white goo. It splattered over Celestia's face, coating her mane and dribbling from her long, elegant horn.

"Gah!" she said, jerking back, but it was too late. She was covered in fake cum.

"Buck this," said Luna suddenly, letting go of the dildo in front of her. "I have no desire to participate in this base and crude nonsense!" She looked up at the ceiling, as if Discord might appear there any moment to argue with her. Instead the screen in front of her suddenly switched from displaying the penis diagram to showing Discord's face.

"Why Luna, how disappointing. You don't like my puzzle? Well, this is only the first room, maybe you'll enjoy some of the other puzzles more."

"I doubt it," said Luna flatly.

"Alas, your enjoyment doesn't really matter, my dear Moony. Only mine does. This is _my_ little depravity dungeon. And if you care about your friends, you will participate." Discord's grin was positively evil. Then it blinked out and the screen returned to displaying the outline of an equine cock.

"Horseapples," muttered Luna.

"Just do it," said Celestia. "Get it over with and we can move on."

"To some equally disgusting task, no doubt. But yes, very well." She lowered her head and took the dildo into her mouth, her hooves wrapping around its base. She attacked it with something that might have been either fury or enthusiasm, taking it deeply with rapid strokes of her lips and tongue against it. The red reappeared on the screen before her and began rising rapidly, but she paid that no heed, she was focused completely on her task.

It took hardly any time before the red reached the top and the klaxon sounded. Luna instantly let go and threw herself backwards, hoping to avoid being covered in goo. She fell over on her back, but she failed to avoid her fate, the dildo's pulsing jet showered over her entire body. It coated her belly and turned her tail into a matted, wet mess, as well as showering her legs and hooves. Some even reached far enough to splatter across her face.

"Ugh," she said, shaking her head and making an expression of disgust. She climbed to her hooves with some difficulty, since they were coated in goo as well. Fortunately the floor was concrete, so she only slid a little bit.

"Congratulations!" said Discord's voice. "You've solved your first puzzle!" The space between the two screens was suddenly a door that swung open.

"Joy," said Luna sarcastically.

"That hardly qualifies as a puzzle," said Celestia crossly, but Discord didn't reply. Both screens had gone blank. The dildos were still there, but they hung limply, spent. With nothing more to do here, there was nowhere to go but forward. So both mares headed for the door, and whatever demented puzzle might lie behind it.

****

"Well this is... puzzling," said Luna. They'd stepped forward into what seemed to be a short hallway, but no sooner were both mares in the little space than the doors behind and forward had closed, leaving them trapped in a room barely big enough to hold them.

The ceiling was still brightly painted concrete, but the walls and floor were tiled in gleaming white tile, almost like a shower. The room didn't seem to have any other features, though both mares turned around awkwardly in the small space trying to spot any way to figure out what they were supposed to do.

Eventually Luna spotted a tile on the floor that had her cutie mark etched on it. A second tile proved to have Celestia's cutie mark, and both tiles also had a little symbol, a circle containing three droplets, next to the cutie mark.

Luna tapped her hoof against the tile, but nothing happened. She frowned at it. "What are we to do with these?"

"The symbol seems to signify water," said Celestia. I assume we have to get them wet."

"Ah." Luna's horn lit up, and she conjured a little sphere of water. It hovered before her for a moment before she released it to drop to the tile between her front hooves. It splashed against it, but nothing happened.

"I suppose that would have been too easy," muttered Luna.

"Indeed," said Celestia. "I suppose since our cutie marks are on the tiles, a more... personal fluid will be required."

"Ugh. You don't mean we'll have to _pee_ on them?" said Luna, taking a step back. Her rump ran into the wall behind her, but she stayed there, looking at the tile in front of her with disgust.

"Let me try something a little less disgusting first," said Celestia. She bent her head awkwardly. Her horn would have touched one wall while her rump was up against the other, so she had to twist her head strangely as she bent down. She then licked the tile.

"Clever, but no cigar," said Discord's voice, echoing against the tiled walls. "My, the acoustics in here are fine. Perhaps you would appreciate a song? Siiiiinging in the Raaaaaaaaaain, I'm-"

"Discord, would you get to the point?" said Celestia.

"Hmph. No appreciation for the arts! But very well. As much as I appreciate seeing you bow your head and lick the floor, noble Princess, spit will just not do. But fear not, Moonbutt, pee is also not the answer. A quite different bodily fluid is required."

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "You are not the kind to be into blood, Discord."

"Heaven forbid!"

"Then what..." Celestia trailed off as she realized what it had to be. She put a hoof to her forehead and sighed. She was doing that a lot today. "Are all your puzzles going to be perverted and sexual, Discord?"

"Well... that depends on how one defines 'perverted'."

"Hah. Very well. But don't think I will forget this. Stone will be too good for you when this is all over."

"I don't understand," broke in Luna. "What fluid does he want?"

Celestia sighed again. "What fluid do you think? Cum, of course."

"Oh."

Both mares stared at the tiles for a while. There was no further sign of Discord, but they both knew he was watching them. Celestia hesitated, her ears flicking back and forth. She was currently not wet at all. So if she wanted to get some liquid to put on the tile and solve the "puzzle", she would have to touch herself. With Discord watching.

She lifted her front hoof off of the ground, then put it back down again.

"I don't like this, sister."

"I know. But I don't think we have any choice."

Now it was Luna's turn to sigh. "Yes." She lifted her hoof, and her eyes closed as she shut out the world around her. Her hoof went between her legs, rubbing slowly. She ruffled her wings, and her tail swished, as she conjured a fantasy, picturing a lover that pleased her. She had no lover currently, but she had hundreds of years of past relationships to draw on, so it wasn't hard to imagine a strong, virile stallion mounting her. She made a soft sound, and her hoof moved a little faster, the current reality fading from her mind as she lost herself in fantasy.

Celestia closed her eyes too, and put a hoof between her legs, but it was harder to lose herself. She could hear Luna beside her, letting out little moans, her breathing coming faster. And she was aware of Discord watching, even though she couldn't see him. Yet if she was being honest with herself, the idea of being watched wasn't _entirely_ unappealing. A shiver ran through her, and her feathers roused and fluffed up, her wings opening slightly.

Her breath started to come faster, and her hoof was suddenly damp. She moaned softly and rubbed faster. Her hoof slid back and forth wetly, and soon there was enough liquid for her to "solve" the puzzle Discord had presented.

Relieved to be done, yet also strangely disappointed, Celestia lowered her hoof and smeared the wetness of her arousal on the tile before her. It began to glow a faint pink.

Luna made another low sound of pleasure, then lowered her hoof too, smearing her mare-cum on her tile. It too glowed pink. Both tiles shifted through a rainbow, brightening as they went; pink to orange to golden to green to blue to eye-searing purple, and then a door slid open before the alicorn sisters, and they dashed through it, towards whatever puzzle awaited them beyond.


	3. A Visit to the Spa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains macro/micro and dirty hooves.

Celestia and Luna stepped into the next room and immediately stopped, gaping.

The room was huge, a vast cavernous space, larger than any normal room should be. The far walls were hardly visible. The floor was covered with immense flagstones, and large, inscrutable machinery—all metal columns and massive levers—rose up before them. The space was so huge that clouds of fog hovered within it, though it was strangely warm.

As they looked around and took in the space they found themselves in, the perspective suddenly shifted.

The room was not large, they were small. The huge "machinery" was a series of massage chairs with metal bases. The flagstones were actually tiles, though each was larger than Celestia was tall. And the fog was not fog at all, it was steam. They were inside a spa.

There was a deep, creaking sound behind them, and the pair spun around to see a gigantic door swinging open. Booming hoofsteps sounded and a massive pony stepped inside. She was a mare, with a light yellow coat and a green mane and tail. From their angle on the floor Luna and Celestia couldn't make out her cutie mark. Also, they were too busy preserving their skins, they had to dodge aside to avoid the huge hooves stepping on them. Behind the pony the door began to swing shut again.

"Quick! Let us escape!" cried Luna. She took wing and arrowed through the air towards the slowly closing door. Celestia followed right on her tail, though she suspected it was futile.

Indeed, instead of darting out the door, Luna bounced back suddenly, tumbling to the floor. There was a forcefield over the door.

"Horseapples," cursed Luna.

"You won't be escaping so easily," said Discord's mocking voice. "You must complete your task here before moving on."

Celestia snorted. "More sexual depravity?"

"Well, that all depends on what you're into, Sunbutt. But many ponies do find hooves to be arousing. Don't worry, I won't judge." That was followed by a cascade of maniacal laughter.

"Hooves?" Celestia looked around, and saw that the pony who'd walked in earlier was now laying down in a chair, her hind hooves propped up on a little stool, ready to receive a hooficure. "Ah." Celestia flapped her wings, taking to the air again to get a better look at the situation. From above she could see that a little tray of various tools sat next to the hooficure chair. The tools were all small, though, scaled to Celestia rather than to the "customer". That was going to make things more difficult. Still, hopefully the task wouldn't be too bad.

She glided down to inspect the hooves themselves and see exactly what needed to be done.

As she landed on the stool, next to a hoof even taller than she was, she was hit by a strong scent. The pony apparently worked on a farm, for her hooves reeked. There was the cheesy scent of ordinary dirty feet, but there was also a strong whiff of manure, and dark blotches of dirt—or worse—stained the outside of the hooves and was packed inside the hoof wall.

Luna landed beside Celestia. "I suppose I shall take the right, and you the left?" she said.

Celestia nodded. She reached out with her magic, but found it didn't work. No matter how she tried to lift the hoof pick it remained stubbornly in place on the tray. Celestia sighed and flew over to the tray, taking the pick up in her mouth. Apparently she would have to do this the hard way.

There was a second pick for Luna, and the pair set to work. The hoof picks were simple things, handles for gripping with a metal end not entirely unlike a broad screwdriver, but with a curved bend that put the tip at the right angle to dig into the dirt caked within the hoof. Given the small size of the pick and the huge size of the hoof, though, it was going to take a while.

Chunks of caked on dirt were slowly carved out by the two alicorns. The giant pony didn't even twitch as they worked on her hooves, she seemed to have fallen asleep, which certainly made things easier. The smell only got worse as they dug into the mess. The sole of her hoof was completely covered in a mixture of dirt, manure, and bits of straw and even small pebbles, which were large enough compared to the two tiny alicorns to take some work digging out.

Dust and bits of dirt settled on them as they worked, sticking to their sweaty coats in a terrible mess. Dust even got into their mouths, tasting every bit as foul as it smelled. Still they continued, scraping the chunks away until finally, after what seemed like an eternity, both hooves were free of caked on dirt.

They still weren't exactly what one could call "clean", though. Celestia dropped the hoof pick and flew up to pick up the next tool, a stiff wire brush.

Luna spat a mouthful of dirt and muttered a curse under her breath, then did the same. The wire brushes cleaned out the residue that the hoof picks hadn't been able to pry loose. They scoured the pony's hoof walls aggressively. When that was done they more gently cleaned each sole and sensitive frog of the hoof.

Still, Celestia found herself wrinkling her nose at the smell. It didn't help that she was muzzle-deep in the mess, since she had to hold the brush in her teeth to get a good enough grip on it.

She worked faster, once again just wanting to get this over with. Finally she was done cleaning the dirt from the hoof. Luna finished soon after her. A hint of manure lingered, but now the scent was mostly the slightly cheesy funk natural to all feet. It was still not exactly pleasant, but it was a little bit better. Celestia dropped the wire brush next to the hoof pick and eagerly soared up to grab a loofah and a bottle of soap. It was finally time to actually clean everything, thank goodness. She squirted soap liberally around, reveling in the fresh citrus scent. Sweet sun above, this was so much better than what she'd been smelling a moment ago.

Luna followed her example and was soon busily scrubbing down the other hoof. She leaned into the hoof, scrubbing it thoroughly. Happily the loofahs had a loop for easy hoof gripping, so they didn't have to get soap suds up their noses, which would definitely have resulted from trying to hold them in their mouths.

A distant, deep sound made both alicorns pause, but it was only the pony coming half awake and letting out a sound of pleasure at the feeling of getting her hooves scrubbed. It was ridiculous, but Celestia felt a little glow of satisfaction. She hadn't wanted to do this, but it was bizarrely nice to know that she was doing a good job.

Finally both hooves were clean and it was time for the next step. Celestia once again flew up to the tray full of tools and picked up the hoof file. It was a very large hoof file compared to her, but it was still going to take a while to get the job done. And Celestia wasn't sure how to reach the top of the hoof, since it was taller than she. Not by that much, she'd been able to stretch and reach all of it while cleaning, but filing required just the right angle, and she was pretty sure she couldn't get that while standing in front of the hoof.

She put that problem aside for the time being and began filing the sides of the giant hoof, working steadily, trying to keep the angle even.

Luna was muttering curses around the handle of her file as she worked. But she was the one who came up with the solution to the problem of height, when it was time to do the upper portion she simply flew up and perched atop the hoof itself, attacking the uneven edge from above.

Filing was finicky, it took almost as long as everything else put together had to get a smooth, even edge. The two mares were sweat-soaked and sore from holding the files at odd angles by the time both hooves were finally done. And they still weren't finished with their task. The tray also held several buckets of clear hoof polish. Fortunately they weren't the little jars that Celestia or Luna might use on themselves, they were huge, with massive paint brushes as well, otherwise there wouldn't have been anywhere near enough to cover the giant pony's hooves.

Also fortunately, being small made keeping the paint job neat and tidy much easier. Neither Celestia nor Luna were expert hooficurists. They both had gotten many, but given few. But it was easy enough to stay within the lines, as it were, given that the lines were so massive.

Unfortunately the hoof polish gave off thick, noxious fumes, and both alicorns had to have their faces right in it so that they could work. Hooficurists were usually unicorns and used magic, or used a longer brush. But with the size of the job they had to do and the amount of polish involved, no length of brush would be enough to keep them from breathing fumes as they worked.

Celestia was practically staggering, and Luna's muttered curses had become slurred and incoherent by the time they finally dropped their brushes back into the buckets and stepped back, finished at last.

They stood on the footstool, looking at the shining hooves above them, and caught their breath. Eventually, though, both started looking around. A door should be opening for them, shouldn't it? They had completed their task, hadn't they?

"Aren't we finished? Is there something else we should do?" asked Celestia, as her head cleared. She tossed her mane and frowned, the fake cum from before had dried in it, so some of the strands were stiff and matted, refusing the flow as they should. Between that and the dust stuck to her sweat-soaked coat, she looked as if she could desperately use a day at the spa herself.

"We must be, there aren't any other tools for us to use. And what else does a hooficure entail? Surely Discord does not expect us to paint 'hoof art' on her?"

"I have two words for you, princesses," came Discord's voice. "Ponies have four hooves."

"Oh buck you!" shouted Luna, her teeth bared in sudden anger.

"That's four words," observed Celestia mildly, "not two."

"And there are four hooves, not two."

"Faust-bucking sun and stars, we have to do that all _again?_ " said Luna.

"Have fun!" was Discord's only reply.

Luna groaned dramatically and sank down to the ground. Celestia let out a deep sigh, though she didn't put a hoof to her face this time, her hooves were filthy. Instead she simply spread her wings and flew back to the tray of tools. Time to go get the hoof pick and start on the slumbering spa pony's front hooves.

The hooves were resting on a convenient armrest, so at least they wouldn't be hard to reach. She landed in front of one with the hoof pick, steeled herself, and set to work once more.

Some time later she looked over to see that Luna had quietly begun on the remaining hoof.

They worked in silence, once again going through the process of clearing caked on filth with the hoof pick, brushing the remnants away with the wire brush, and then soaping and scrubbing. Then, of course, they had to file them smooth and apply another bucket of nail polish.

When the repeated task was done, Luna let herself slide off of the armrest and topple to the ground, where she lay in a heap. Celestia chuckled and glided down to land with more dignity. The giant pony stirred, getting to her hooves. She walked to the door, her booming hoofsteps echoing in the vast room, then opened it and went out.

This time, though, it didn't swing shut behind her. Instead it stood open, a vast portal into the unknown beyond.

"Come Luna, let us proceed."

"Nay. I have expired. I am deceased. I have given up the ghost. I am truly a former princess. Let me lie here in peace."

Celestia chuckled. "I know what you mean. But Twilight and her friends are depending on us. Come on."

Luna sighed, but heaved herself to her hooves and followed Celestia across the massively tiled floor. Together they once again stepped through the door into the unknown.


	4. Clowning Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains latex clown suits, tentacles, and slime.

The giant hallway the pair had stepped into began to shrink and narrow down around them as they walked. The tiles changed from pristine white to a patchwork of rainbow colors. Music, almost inaudible at first but slowly growing louder, began it play. It was a cheerful organ tune, the sort one might hear at a carnival. The lighting changed, from clear overhead lights to yellow bulbs set in rows and squares, marquee-style, flashing in patterns that cast shifting shadows. The atmosphere was almost aggressively cheerful, yet something about it was unnerving.

Something moved to one side of the sisters, but when Celestia spun to look at it, it was only her own distorted reflection in a funhouse mirror. There was another one on the opposite wall, and then a whole row, lining the dimly-lit corridor in reflections of the sisters that were stretched, squashed, and strangely twisted.

Ahead the square hallway led out into a circular area. The sisters exchanged glances, suspecting what that was, and indeed as soon as they set hoof on the curved floor, it began to slowly rotate. They went on, stumbling as the barrel-shaped passage turned around them.

Eventually they exited the rotating drum and found their feet once again on solid ground in what seemed to be a circus tent. Striped canvas met at a shadowed peak far overhead, while spotlights speared down onto a floor covered in sawdust, marked with the traditional three rings.

On a raised platform at the center of one ring stood Discord, dressed in a showy costume of red velvet with lots of gold braid and a tall top hat. He twirled a mustache he hadn't had a second ago and shouted "Cum one, cum all, and see the delightful, demented depravity! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll be strangely aroused!"

Celestia and Luna exchanged another glance. Discord was suddenly standing between them, one arm over each of them. "I don't see you laughing."

"What exactly is there to laugh at?" asked Luna.

"Why you, for starters." He snapped his fingers, and with a little puff of smoke, Luna was suddenly standing in the center of one of the rings. She was dressed in a brightly colored clown costume, face paint, big red nose and all. She gave the red ball on the end of her muzzle a disgusted look and pulled it off.

"Tisk, tisk, tisk," said Discord, shaking his finger at her. "Naughty Luna. You're meant to entertain. You can't entertain without your costume!"

"Entertain you, I suppose?" said Luna.

Discord grinned hugely. "Not exactly."

"Who, then?"

"All in good time, Bobo. First we need to get our other star out here." Discord snapped his fingers again and Celestia appeared in the other ring, also dressed as a clown. She shifted a little bit. The costume was tight, almost uncomfortably so. In fact as she shifted it squeaked, and she realized that while the ruff around her neck seemed to be fabric, the main body of the suit was something shiny, like rubber. It covered every inch of her from neck to ankle, though her wings and tail stuck out of holes just big enough for them. Indeed the tail hole was actually a short sleeve that covered her dock, so that there were no openings to the suit at all. She had no idea how she was going to get it off, though Discord probably wasn't going to let her in any case. Hopefully he'd remove it when this particular "puzzle" was done.

Luna's suit was just the same, and Luna lifted a hoof and scratched at the ruffled collar around her neck, glaring at Discord as she did.

"Delightful! All wrapped up and ready to entertain our special guests."

"What guests?" asked Luna suspiciously.

"Well, what circus would be complete without creatures? I admit I don't have any elephants. But I have something even more fun! They're already here, just waiting for everything to be ready. And since I believe it is, let the show begin!"

He appeared back on his platform in the center of the third ring. Luna and Celestia both looked at him, then around the tent. It seemed to be empty. Where were the "guests" Discord had mentioned?

Then the ground under Luna's hooves heaved. A plume of sawdust flew into the air and a tentacle whipped up out of the ground. All around her more joined it, thick, ropey things with translucent greenish skin. Their bases were about as big around as one of Luna's hooves, and they narrowed to slender tips. They lashed and twisted, and Luna couldn't back away for they were all around her. Her wings were half spread, as if to take flight, but she stayed on the ground. She was sure that if she fled, Discord would only return her to the spot. And she had to stay and "solve" this puzzle if she were to rescue her friends. Still, she didn't exactly like the look of the things.

Celestia too was swiftly surrounded by waving tentacles that thrust up from the ground around her.

"What in Equus' name are we supposed to do with these?" said Luna, her ears flat back.

"Pay better attention, Bobo. You're clowns. Clowns entertain. So entertain them."

"I'm afraid neither of us tells terribly good jokes," said Celestia, eying the tentacles warily.

"I've made this one very simple for you, don't worry. No jokes required. Though a few pratfalls wouldn't go amiss. My guests are quite capable of doing all the real work this time. You just have to... what's the phrase? Lie back and think of Equestria?"

"Discord..."

"It'll be fun! Trust me!"

"Trust you? I don't... uh..." Celestia was interrupted as one of the tentacles swooped down and wrapped around her. It was smooth but surprisingly muscular and strong. It slid over the latex suit with a faint squeaking, twisting and curving around her body in a way that was extremely distracting.

"Yeep!" Several tentacles coiled around Luna and their combined twisting lifted her off her hooves, prompting her undignified yelp. More tentacles slithered around Celestia too, and she tumbled off balance into their collective grip. They curled and coiled and twisted around her, sliding over the latex of her suit, caressing her hide where it showed, tangling in her mane and tail, wrapping around her horn, and investigating every inch of her.

Tentacle tips probed her body, pushing and prodding her. They ruffled her feathers, exploring and mussing the tidy grooming of her wings. They squeezed her, gripping her barrel tightly and wrapping around all four legs. Their investigations grew more and more personal. One prodded inside her ear, though thankfully didn't try to worm its way any deeper. One wrapped around her muzzle and investigated her nostrils. It dislodged the red foam nose she'd been wearing, letting it drop unheeded to the ground. It then pushed against her lips, trying to get into her mouth, but Celestia clenched her teeth against it.

Another got even more personal, pushing between her legs. The latex stopped it, so it couldn't penetrate her, but it seemed very interested in the area and kept prodding and rubbing there, making Celestia squirm. It got even worse when another tentacle curled its tip around the base of her tail and tried to push under it. The latex stopped that one too, but it was all Celestia could do to keep from moaning as she writhed and wiggled in the tentacles' grip.

"Foul creatures! Cease! Desist!" Luna was reacting much less calmly than Celestia. She was flailing and kicking, her wings thrashing, and as the tentacles tried to explore her head, she slashed at them with her horn, whipping her head back and forth violently. She scored a thin line across one of them and it let out a strange screeching sound and thrashed violently. The others wrapped more tightly around Luna, a writhing nest of snakes enveloping her, squeezing and twisting. She struggled harder, kicking and fighting, her latex suit squeaking as she moved. This seemed to excite the tentacles, who move faster and faster around her. They also began leaking a green goo, the slime smearing over the smooth latex that enclosed Luna.

She shouted, kicking out, her hoof impacting one tentacle with bruising force, but it only became more excited. Another whipped up to her muzzle as she yelled and pushed between her lips, gagging her. She made a muffled sound of surprise and her wings flared out widely, all her smaller feathers fluffed up around her shoulders.

The tentacle pushed deeper into her mouth, and her struggles grew more frantic. She bit down on it, but its hide was tough, she couldn't bite through. The others twisted faster, writhing and coiling around her, restlessly caressing her body, spreading the goo that continued to ooze from the tip of each one all over her. She could taste the goo as the tentacle pushed into her mouth. It was a bitter-sweet flavor, sugar and chlorophyll, as if the tentacles might be plants.

Celestia's eyes were wide as she saw her sister's predicament. Unfortunately that distraction was enough for her to forget to keep her teeth clenched, and a moment later the tip of a tentacle had pushed into her mouth too. She bit it, holding it in her teeth, keeping it from going deeper, but that as the best she could do, it was too strong for her to spit it out.

Luna fought harder, kicking and flailing in the tentacles' grasp. Her hooves sometimes connected, but the things didn't seem phased by impacts that would stun a grown stallion. She twisted her head and slashed her horn at them again, that had been the only thing that had worked so far, but this time a tentacle slipped under the tip of her horn and wrapped around the base, yanking her head down and preventing her from moving it. More slime oozed from the tentacle's tip, dribbling down across her face as it gripped her horn. She snorted, unable to shout the battle-cry she wanted to voice, and bit the tentacle in her mouth harder, while kicking out with all her strength. In response the tentacles wrapped around all four hooves, holding her completely immobile. The ones not pinning her writhed excitedly around her body, spreading even more goo all over her.

They were pulsing now, ripples running down their green lengths, while Luna still tried to struggle, though she could hardly move within their grasp. On her wings were still mostly free, and they flapped and trashed frantically. The tentacles tugged and pulled at her so wildly that they'd torn the ruffled collar of her costume free, leaving only the rubbery suit itself. Their pulsing grew stronger as they writhed and twisted, and then suddenly a flood of green goo erupted from each tentacle, completely drenching Luna in buckets of thick slime.

Celestia hardly noticed, though, she was too distracted by the tentacles still wrapped around her. She wasn't fighting the way Luna had, but their grip was no less firm. They cradled her in a nest of waving green, each tip writhing and caressing her, spreading a thin trickle of slime behind as it moved. One persistent tentacle kept probing between her legs, as if still looking for a way in, despite the latex suit blocking its path. It was teasing her horribly, and she let out a muffled moan around the tentacle that was still twitching inside her mouth. The tentacles seemed to respond to the sound, moving faster, rubbing her more firmly. A faint pulsing began, running along the length of each muscular green strand.

Celestia moaned again. She was being rubbed and caressed everywhere, and the sensation was incredibly frustrating. She found herself wanting more. Her teeth relaxed, letting the tentacle push further into her mouth. She gave a little shudder, her wings twitching. The tentacles caressed them too, spreading and increasing amount of slime over the feathers, and rubbing at the sensitive spot right at the base.

One tentacle wrapped around her horn, rubbing up and down it. The one rubbing between her legs pushed harder. Celestia twisted, wanting to push back but unable to do so with all four hooves off the ground. She had completely forgotten about Luna, or about Discord, or about anything else but the sensations she felt.

Meanwhile, the tentacles that had held Luna had gone limp and retreated back beneath the ground, leaving her sprawled in a puddle of green goo. She picked herself up slowly and tried futilely to wipe some of the goo off. The sound of muffled moans drew her attention, and she blushed brightly under the coat of slime when she saw Celestia, held up in mid-air, with tentacles writhing all around her. Her sister was writhing too, and moaning shamelessly. The tentacles were pulsing rapidly, and only a moment later they too exploded in a shower of slime, completely coating Celestia's white coat, and sliming the latex suit she was wearing as well.

Celestia made a little sound of surprise, for the one in her mouth had shot out a stream of goo as well, and she was forced to swallow the bitter-sweet stuff. Then the tentacles began to relax, slowly collapsing and lowering Celestia to the ground. She lay in a heap for a long moment, panting hard. Her whole body was on fire with need from the teasing she'd gotten, but the tentacles had finished with her without giving her release.

Finally, with a soft groan, she picked herself up. She glanced over at Luna, who had been staring. Luna instantly looked away. Celestia blushed furiously.

"Bravo!" Discord, who was still standing in the third ring, began clapping. Both sisters blushed even more. They'd nearly forgotten he was there, but now they were suddenly reminded that he'd been watching the whole thing. "Good job! Highly entertaining! My friends are very satisfied indeed."

"How nice," said Luna sarcastically, trying to gather herself up and look at least slightly dignified. Dressed in a bright clown costume and covered in slime, this was totally impossible. Celestia possibly looked even worse, with the soaked remains of her ruffled collar half-torn from her neck and her white coat showing the green goo starkly. Both had their manes and tails hanging limp, too slick with slime to flow as they normally did. Their wings were limp too, the feathers a sticky mess. There would be no flying until they had a chance to get them clean.

"It was nice, yes," said Discord, grinning at the humiliatingly messy pair.

Celestia opened her mouth to say something, then just shook her head and turned away from Discord towards the door. There was no point in trying to match wits against the draconequus, he would only be more entertained. "Let's go," she said to Luna, who nodded and walked by her side to the exit leading towards their next challenge.


	5. Baked Bads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains, uh... bad cake.

The bedraggled pair had stepped through a door, but on the other side they found themselves standing on a flat surface, with no door in sight. In front of them rose a vast stack of cylindrical shapes, which they quickly realized was a cake. It had three tiers, each one in a different color frosting. The frosting was slumped, though, oozing down the sides as if it had been applied while the cake was still warm and had melted. Crumbs dotted it, showing that the decorator hadn't known about applying a crumb coat before doing the actual frosting. The decorations were sloppy, big fat ropes of icing looping from the top of each tier in uneven coils. They were the blobby, round shape of frosting applied from the piping bag without a decorator tip. The colors were bad too, muddied as if the baker hadn't bothered to clean her frosting bowl in between batches.

It was, in short, a supremely ugly cake. It was the kind of cake to make Pinkie Pie cry. It was the kind of cake that would inspire customers to strangle their baker. It was the worst looking cake Celestia had ever seen, and she'd judged baking contests for years.

It was also absolutely enormous. The lowermost tier was taller than either alicorn, and the total height of it would have reached to some of the higher towers of Canterlot Palace, if it were dropped in the palace courtyard. Celestia couldn't help imagining that, and the immense splat it would make if such a monstrous cake were dropped from any height.

Ahead of the pair, next to the base of the cake, there was also a lever sticking out of the floor. Celestia approached it. It had Luna's cutie mark etched on the handle, while at the base were two symbols, one a simple drawing of a cake, the other the same drawing inside a circle with a slash. "Cake and no cake," said Celestia, as she looked at it. It was currently set to the "no cake" position. "And I suppose you're meant to throw it." She looked over at Luna, wincing a little at the sight of the state of her. She herself looked no better, she knew.

"Very well." Luna stepped up and pushed the lever to the "cake" position, but nothing happened. They exchanged puzzled glances.

"Perhaps there is something else we should do first?" said Luna.

"Perhaps. Let's explore some more."

They wandered through the room, checking for more levers, switches, or anything else useful. They found a kind of raised dais against one wall that held two circular panels of what seemed to be cloudy glass set into it, with four hoof marks on each. They stood on the marks, but nothing happened there either. Then, on the far side of the cake from the lever, they found a panel set into the floor, etched with Celestia's cutie mark. When Celestia put a hoof on it, it depressed slightly, and a little amber light came on.

"Ah. I believe if I push this down while you throw the lever, something may happen," said Celestia.

Luna nodded and circled around the cake, out of sight. "I am at the lever!" she called out after a moment.

"I have pushed the switch!" called Celestia.

"A light came on by the lever, I shall flip it to the "no cake" position!" There was a pause, then Luna added, "Nothing has happened. I shall flip it back to the "cake" position." She did so, and there was a whirring hum rising in pitch, like an engine spinning up. Both mares could see a golden glow blossom against the wall, where the dais with the hoof marked circles stood. Celestia took her hoof off of her switch, but the glow remained.

They both trotted over to the dais. Little lights had come on beneath the clouded glass, making the hoof markings even more visible.

"I guess we climb on, then," said Celestia and stepped up onto the glass circle. She put all four hooves on the marks, and as soon as she did, she vanished.

Luna stood blinking for a moment, then shrugged and stepped on the other set of hoof marks. Then she too was gone.

****

Celestia found herself in pitch darkness, with a sense of pressure all over her body and a strange, heavy, sweet scent thick in the air. She attempted to move, but could not so much as twitch any part of her save her head. She invoked her magic and a spark of light blossomed at the tip of her horn. She was in what seemed to be a tiny cavern, with her body embedded in the stone itself. But then the scent she had been smelling became clear—sugar and chocolate—and she realized that she was inside the giant cake.

She squirmed, struggling to free her limbs, but could make no progress. The cake was heavy and dense, not light and fluffy, and she was thoroughly trapped. She could hear herself panting in the small space, and knew she had to get free soon. The cake might not be perfectly airtight, but it would be close enough to suffocate her eventually.

There was only one option. She bent down and took a bite of the cake.

Then she nearly spit it out again. It tasted vile. The chocolate scent that hung in the air was nearly all the chocolate present, so the cake would have been bland, except for the fact that somehow, despite it being dense and heavy, the baker had obviously used far too much baking soda, leaving a strong, bitter, chemical taste. And it was dry, too, the crumbs sticking to the inside of her mouth.

For a long moment she considered. Maybe it would be possible to just pull chunks of the terrible cake free, and not actually eat them? But no, doing that would fill her clear space long before she could get herself dug out. There really was no option. She braced herself and took another big bite of the cake, trying to swallow it as fast as possible, but it was so dense and do dry that it took some chewing before it would go down. She made a face, but kept going.

Gradually she started to make progress, as the divot she was eating into the cake turned into a pit. Each bite was gag-worthy, but she ate on, eating her way down until she reached one foreleg. The she set about widening the pit into a trench. She finally cleared just enough of the cake from her leg to wrench it free, then held still for a moment, recovering. Mostly she was letting her stomach recover. She'd already eaten a normal cake's worth of the giant disaster cake. But she couldn't wait too long, there was only so much air left.

After that brief pause, she set to work on the other foreleg, grimacing as she chewed and swallowed. She was starting to feel a little too full, but she had to at least free her other foreleg. She ate and ate her way down towards her goal, getting fuller and fuller, and more and more disgusted as she went. Faust, this tasted vile. It was all she could do to not vomit as she stuffed more cake into her already bulging stomach.

At last she freed her other foreleg. Her torso and hind legs were still trapped, and if she ate enough cake to free them that way she would probably explode. Or at least vomit, which in this small space would be truly awful. But now that her front hooves were free she could try something else. She struck out at the cake with all her force, slamming her hooves into it. It gave way. It was too dense and springy to merely push down, but with her alicorn—and therefore earth pony—strength behind it, she was able to slam the cake flat and make more room without having to eat any more of it. Thank heavens.

She kicked and clawed, flattening cake and clearing space until she had a large cavity opened around her front half. Then she started using hooves and teeth to tear and rip at the cake still trapping the rest of her. Chunks of it flew and before long she'd freed her hindquarters as well. Her cleared space was now nearly filled with loose cake rubble, but she didn't care. She lunged forward, attacking the wall of vile, hateful cake in front of her, pushing loose pieces back behind her, and began to burrow sideways through the cake.

Suddenly her hooves struck soft frosting and a moment later she was through, out into fresh air at last.

With a lunge she burst from the cake, sending frosting flying, and emerged into the room, tumbling to the ground from the cake's lowest layer with a sugary splat. She lay in a smear of frosting and crumbs, panting, for some time.

"Ha!" Celestia looked up to see Luna burst out of the top of the cake. She immediately collapsed to lie half out of it, her forelegs and wings spread out on the frosting. It was some time before either alicorn moved. At length Luna dragged herself fully out of the cake. Her wings were so matted with dried slime and frosting that she couldn't fly, so she jumped down to the next tier, where she landed with a gross splat and sank partway in.

Celestia slowly pulled herself to her hooves, thinking she should probably help Luna, but before she could think what to do, Luna wrenched herself free of the second tier and tumbled messily to the lowest, and then from there to the ground. She landed on all four hooves with a solid thud and stood, glaring at everything in sight, including Celestia. She was covered in a muddy rainbow of every frosting color on the cake, which dripped from her hair and nearly hid the fact that she was still in the latex clown suit beneath it.

"I shall never, ever, _ever_ eat cake again," she declared angrily.

Celestia snorted. "That wasn't cake, that was a crime against baking." She licked her lips, tasting the frosting, which was saccharine but nearly flavorless, and slightly stale. No doubt it had been made with shortening rather than butter, the vanilla had been left out, and the sugar had been on the shelf for years before being used. Completely disgusting. Also there was a hint of something rancid to it, which she decided she didn't want to try and figure out.

"Are we done here?" Luna looked around, and Celestia joined her in scanning for a door. To both their relief they found one, standing open, a glowing EXIT sign hanging above it.

Celestia decided it was too much to hope that the sign meant this was the end of Discord's "maze".

She tiredly headed towards the door, her frosting-soaked wings and matted tail leaving colored, sugary trails as they dragged on the floor. The ruined ruffle of her clown costume was half torn off now, and caught in her front legs as she walked. She halted and in one swift motion tore it from her. Her teeth were bared in a snarl as she expressed all her frustration for one moment of pointless violence against fabric by trampling the ruff under her hooves. Then she gathered her self-control once more and stepped through the door behind Luna.


	6. Dental Hygiene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains macro/micro, teeth cleaning, and a touch of vore.

The door the frosting-caked pair had stepped through led to a long, narrow hallway. The floor was silver-gray, but the walls were paneled in alternating panels of bright pink and purple. The ceiling was white with a popcorn texture, set at regular intervals with fluorescent tubes that gave off a cold white light. The hall was so narrow that they had to go single-file. Celestia was therefore treated to a long view of Luna's tail as they walked.

The hall was long enough that they had been walking for what seemed like forever, and Celestia had rather thoroughly tuned out, so that when Luna suddenly halted, Celestia nearly ran into said tail.

"What is it?"

"The floor is about to become a conveyor belt," said Luna, gesturing ahead of her. Celestia peered over her shoulder and saw that the floor ahead of them was indeed divided into conveyor segments that slid steadily forward. "I suppose there is nothing to do but continue onward," added Luna with a sigh. "Ah well. At least it will be a rest from walking. I begin to grow tired." She stepped forward and let the conveyor carry her down the hall.

Once Luna was out of the way, Celestia did the same. The hall remained unchanging, the wall panels sliding slowly by, for some time. Suddenly boot-like objects slid out from beneath the conveyor belt and clamped over each alicorn's hooves, fastening them to the belt's floor panels. They both yelped and tugged at the boots. Celestia stopped after the initial surprise had passed. There was no point in struggling. If she got free, where would she go? The only way to rescue her friends was to go forward. Luna, though, continued to fight, thrashing her sticky wings and lashing her tail.

Panels on the walls some distance ahead of the sisters slid aside, and a set of massive roller brushes slid out of them. With a whir they began turning, and jets sprayed soapy water on the brushes. Luna and Celestia both froze, then, realizing what was about to happen, Celestia burst into laughter. They were going to be cleaned! In a very undignified way, but she didn't care. She wanted the caked on slime and frosting and everything else off.

Luna apparently felt differently, for she kept struggling. Celestia shook her head, bemused at her sister's continued fighting. What purpose did it serve?

"Yeep, cold!"

Celestia couldn't bite back a giggle as Luna reached the first brush and was pummeled with wet, soapy bristles. A moment later, though, it was her turn and she couldn't help but yelp a little bit. Luna was right, the water was freezing cold. She closed her eyes and braced herself as the brush rubbed over her head and down her back.

Others popped out of the walls and cleaned her sides. Smaller brushes joined them, pushing her wings around, getting all the frosting and goo from her feathers, though also leaving them in disarray, pointing every which way.

More brushes scrubbed her mane and tail. Then a giant padded clamp closed over her middle, while the boots on her hooves let go and another set of brushes scrubbed them too.

Her hooves were re-clamped and the conveyor carried her onward, through a rinsing shower of cold water that sprayed her from all sides, leaving her drenched and shivering, but much cleaner than she had been.

Finally a set of gigantic fans blew so hard that it might have knocked her over if she weren't clamped down, blasting water from her, leaving her merely damp rather than soaked.

The boots on her hooves vanished, and the conveyor slid on, finally depositing both alicorns at the end of the hall, in a square room, whose walls were still bright pink and purple but which was otherwise plain and featureless.

"All squeaky clean!" Discord popped into existence next to Luna and ran a finger along the latex clown suit she was still wearing, making it squeak.

Luna shied away from him with an oath, her horn glowing. She released the magic and sighed a moment later. "Discord. I suppose I should thank you for cleaning us, though I did not find the method particularly dignified."

Discord cackled with laughter. "You haven't even begun to experience undignified, Moony! But I didn't clean you for your benefit. I cleaned you so that I wouldn't have to taste all that muck on you."

Celestia's head whipped around and she stared straight at Discord. "Wait a minute. Taste?!"

Discord grinned, and suddenly the room seemed to fall away around them, while Discord grew massive, towering over them. His smile stretched wide and he swooped down, jaws open, and snapped them both up in his mouth.

****

Celestia and Luna found themselves enveloped in a warm, wet darkness. Both alicorns were braced for the moment when Discord would swallow, but it didn't come. Instead, after a long pause, he opened his mouth. Not all the way, but just enough for the two, now tiny, barely two or three inches high, to struggle to their hooves on the soft, fleshy surface of his tongue. His teeth were just parted around them, creating a jagged prison of ivory bars.

With a soft "paff" sound a pair of toothbrushes appeared in front of the two alicorns. One was blue and silver, the other white and gold. Given the teeth currently surrounding them, it didn't take much mental effort for the alicorn pair to realize what they were supposed to do.

Celestia picked up the gold and white toothbrush. Luna scowled, but picked up the blue and silver one.

"I'll take this side, you take the other side," said Celestia, jerking her head towards the nearest row of molars.

"I suppose if I must," said Luna.

Celestia found a little smile on her face. She wasn't really enjoying this either, but something about Luna's cranky dissatisfaction was just so _her_ that it was amusing.

Unfortunately that was the only amusement to be found here. She held the giant toothbrush awkwardly in her hooves, her magic didn't seem to be working once again, and scrubbed at the massive molars. The yellowed ivory was caked with plaque and little food fragments. Discord hadn't provided toothpaste, so they just had to scrub and scrub and scrub with the brushes. They were too big to hold in their mouths, they had to use both hooves, and balance awkwardly while working away.

On top of that it smelled of halitosis, a disgusting fragrance that neither mare could escape for even a moment, since the whole mouth they stood in reeked of it. And of course they were standing on a wet, squishy, tongue the whole time. It was one more unpleasant, humiliating experience, piled on top of the others they'd already dealt with.

The only good thing about it was that it was relatively straightforward. It took what seemed like an eternity, as they scrubbed their way forward, and wedged themselves between his teeth and cheeks to clean the outsides, but there was nothing more to it. They scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, their latex suits slick with saliva, and eventually they finally reached the single giant fang at the front of his mouth.

When that too was clean they sat back, surrounded by sparkling teeth, completely free of plaque and tartar. They set down the toothbrushes and waited, expecting some kind of door to open up.

"Very good," said Discord, his tongue tossing them around inside his mouth as he spoke, his voice and overwhelming booming all around them. "Now, down you go," he added.

"Down?!" said Luna, but they had no time for any more reaction before the jaws closed down around them, the tongue came up, pressing them against the roof of the mouth, and then it pushed them back until they were at the very back, where the uvula hung down. With one more squeeze, Discord's tongue pushed them further down. Then he swallowed, and they were carried down into the wet darkness below.


	7. The Equestria-Wide Princess Jello Wrestling Extravaganza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains villains, jello wrestling, silliness, and light princest.

Suddenly Celestia and Luna found themselves standing in a featureless darkness. It was not the wet, close darkness they had expected. Instead there was a sense of open space, and a faint cool breeze floating all around them. Then, suddenly, Discord’s voice came booming from every direction.

"In the blue corner, weighing in at four hundred and ninety-eight pounds, the shepherd of dreams, the stealer of cake, the inimitable... Princess Luna!" A spotlight came on, illuminating Luna, who was suddenly dressed in a loud spandex costume in clashing pinks and purples. She was standing on a platform at one end of a dimly-seen wrestling ring.

Celestia found herself sitting on a hard, metal chair in front of the ring, surrounded by indistinct, shadowy equine forms. Apparently for this event she was to be part of the audience.

"And in the red corner, weighing in at a svelte five hundred and sixty-seven pounds, the thief of light, the gobbler of children, the bringer of eternal night herself... Nightmare Moon!"

Luna gasped as a second spotlight flicked on, revealing her evil self at the far side of the ring.

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaadiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand gentlecolts! Are you ready to rumble?" shouted Discord’s amplified voice, and lights came on over the ring itself. It was not a standard wrestling ring. Instead it was enclosed on the bottom and held a pool of bright green that rippled and jiggled gently.

"Jello wrestling?" said Celestia incredulously. "You have got to be kidding me."

Luna, though, wasn’t looking at the ring. Her eyes were fixed on the dark alicorn across from her. She too was clad in spandex rather than her usual armor, though the design of the costume resembled the armor somewhat. She grinned at Luna, showing sharp fangs, and leaped into the ring, landing in the knee-deep jello with a wet thud. "Come, princess! Let us see which of us is the stronger."

Luna’s eyes were narrow slits and she responded through clenched teeth. "Yes, let us." Then she too leapt into the ring, sending blobs of jello flying as she landed. The pair launched themselves at each other. Or rather attempted to. The jello didn’t give terribly good traction under-hoof, so both slipped and slid, hind legs going backwards as much as they themselves went forwards. Luna nearly toppled sideways, while Nightmare Moon was dangerously close to performing a belly-flop as her legs flew out from under her, but with a flapping of wings both managed to recover.

They advanced more warily, wading through the cold, gelatinous mess. As Discord’s announcement had suggested, Luna was the smaller of the pair, nearly a head shorter than Nightmare Moon. She didn’t seem put off by this at all, and with a sudden flurry of wings providing non-slip momentum, she leaped at her opponent, who instinctively tried to dodge and only slid again. They met chest to chest, Luna shoving Nightmare Moon hard, her wings pumping. Nightmare Moon stumbled and slipped, pushed backwards.

This provided her the opportunity to recover, though, for when her hind hooves hit the platform she’d started on she suddenly had the leverage to push back, and swiftly used her long neck and greater height to push Luna sideways. Luna’s wing-beats were interrupted and her hooves went out from under her, sending her down into the churned-up jello with a soggy crash.

She rose spitting, her mouth filled with the taste--lime, apparently--but Nightmare Moon didn’t let her get her hooves under her, she leaped on Luna, trying to pin her down. Luna kicked out, trying to rise, but with no success. Nightmare Moon put a hoof on her head, shoving it under the jello.

Luna suddenly twisted sideways, using the slipperiness of their medium to get free of Nightmare Moon’s grip. On her back now she kicked out again, and planted both hind hooves on her opponent, tossing her into the air.

Now it was Nightmare Moon’s turn to land with a wet splat. The jello cushioned the impact somewhat, but it was still bone-jarring. Luna scrambled to her hooves while Nightmare Moon lay stunned. She took swift advantage of her opportunity and leaped onto her opponent’s back, grabbing her horn in one hoof and grinding her face into the jello.

"Woo! Show her who’s boss!" shouted Celestia, unable to contain her enthusiasm at seeing her sister get the upper hoof. The audience around her came alive as she shouted, still shadows, but now animated, some cheering, but some booing as Luna continued to lay atop the black alicorn and pin her in the jello.

"Miserable wretch!" shouted Nightmare Moon, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the way she had to spit out a mouthful of jello first. The shadowy tendrils of her mane whipped out at Luna and succeeded in spilling her off of Nightmare Moon’s back. She tried to get to her hooves again, but Luna grabbed one hind hoof and yanked, pulling her back down.

The pair rolled around in the jello for a bit, a tangled disarray of legs and wings, slimy jello making them slip and slide against each other, and the spandex they were both clad in only adding to the problem. Luna kicked and bit like a mare possessed, and even with her larger size, Nightmare Moon was having trouble keeping from being pinned. Only the slippery jello let her escape, but it didn’t allow her to pin Luna either, she slipped free every time.

Luna abruptly rolled the opposite way to escape Nightmare Moon’s latest attempt to pin her, separating the pair. Both took the opportunity to get back to their hooves and stood, spattered with melting jello, and glared at each other.

"I shall show you who is the miserable wretch," hissed Luna. Her wings flapped again and this time she didn’t leap forward, but up. In an instant she was aloft, soaring above the arena.

The crowd booed, apparently regarding this as cheating, but Luna paid them no heed. She shrieked a war cry and dove down on Nightmare Moon. The dark alicorn tried to dive aside, but the jello made her hooves slip and she couldn’t escape. Luna crashed into her with a stunning, impact, knocking her to the ground.

She didn’t stop there, she followed her tackle up with a series of punches, hitting Nightmare Moon repeatedly, knocking her head back into the green, gelatinous mess. Nightmare Moon began to struggle weakly, but Luna didn’t relent, she punched her again and again, hitting her in the jaw over and over, until at last the dark alicorn went still, lying defeated in the jello.

"Victory, by a knock out, goes to Luna!"

Discord’s voice boomed, and the crowd all around Celestia cheered. Suddenly Nightmare Moon vanished. Celestia found herself standing in a single spotlight, the room again plunged into darkness. Meanwhile Luna sat blinking in the audience, still covered in jello but no longer in the ring.

"In the red corner, weighing in at a cake-loving six hundred and twenty pounds, the bringer of light, the eater of cake, the ruler of Equestria herself, Princess Celestia!" called Discord’s booming voice.

"And in the blue corner, at six hundred and sixteen pounds, the tyrant of the sun, the bane of darkness, the very fires of heaven, Daaaaaaybreaker!"

The lights came on, revealing the churned-up ocean of green jello between Celestia and her doppelganger. Celestia and Daybreaker moved at the same instant, both leaping down into the ring.

They both slid and slipped as they landed, but Celestia managed to keep her hooves under her. Daybreaker threw herself at Celestia, her flaming mane and tail trailing behind her. Celestia braced all four hooves, but couldn’t keep from sliding backwards as her opponent slammed into her. Her hind hooves hit the edge of the arena and she braced herself against the ropes, her teeth gritted, and flung Daybreaker back into the pool of jello. The crowd roared, and Celestia could hear Luna cheering with them.

The jello hissed as the evil alicorn's flaming mane and tail hit it, and she scrabbled wildly, trying to gain her footing. Celestia leaped at her, not giving her time to recover. Her hooves slammed into Daybreaker, sending her sliding across the arena.

She tried to pin Daybreaker up against the wall that held the jello in at the side of the arena, but Daybreaker kicked and flailed, impossible to pin down effectively. Especially with the jello making everything slippery. Celestia gritted her teeth, her expression determined, but Daybreaker connected with a solid kick and flung her back to land with a splat in the center of the ring. Another chorus of cheers from the crowd celebrated the dramatic move.

Celestia rolled to her hooves and stood over Daybreaker, glaring down at her other self. Daybreaker scrambled to her hooves and lunged at Celestia, slipping and sliding but managing to connect. She wrapped her hooves around Celestia and used her weight to throw them both down into the jello again. Celestia didn't manage to resist, so instead she rolled with the motion, coming out on top of her opponent once again.

Daybreaker gave her a look of pure hate. Then, suddenly, worryingly, she smiled. Celestia had her shoulders pinned, and Discord was counting down now, but Daybreaker leaned her head forward and kissed Celestia.

With a surprised yelp Celestia lurched backwards, so completely confused and dismayed by the unexpected move that Daybreaker easily shoved her off. Then Daybreaker was the one on top, her hooves locked around Celestia in a firm hold that kept her pinned. Discord began counting again. Celestia twisted, her jello-slimed body writhing against Daybreaker's as she tried to get free, but she couldn't.

"...four, three, two, one! Daybreaker wins!"

"What? No!" cried Luna.

"Aha ha ha ha ha! Yes!" shouted Daybreaker. She flared her wings and leaped out of the arena, trailing chunks of jello behind her, to land next to where Luna sat. "Now you and I shall continue on, as the winners."

Celestia slowly picked herself up in the middle of the ring. She felt shocked. How had she lost? Would Discord actually let Daybreaker continue with Luna, and leave her behind? What would happen to her if he did?

"I shall not permit this! I advance with my sister or not at all," said Luna fiercely.

"Ah, but I am your sister," said Daybreaker, grinning toothily at Luna.

"Discord! Do you hear me? I shall not pass through whatever door opens with this... this... this imposter!"

"Those are the rules of the game." Discord poofed into existence next to Luna. Luna glared at him and backed away. Discord just grinned. "Winners advance. Luna and Daybreaker are the winners. That should be simple and straightforward enough for you to grasp."

"And if Daybreaker were to lose?" said Luna. She suddenly grinned as well, a fierce and eager grin. "A contest like this should have a champion."

Discord blinked at her, then started to laugh. "Oh ho! You liked rolling around in everyone's favorite dessert, hmm?"

Luna snorted. "What I like is immaterial. What I shall _do_ is defeat her." She stabbed her hoof at Daybreaker.

"If you wish to provide me with more entertainment, far be it from me to stop you," said Discord. He snapped his fingers, and instantly the arena was dark again. Celestia found herself once more seated with the audience.

"In the blue corner, in the red corner, yadda, yadda, yadda," said the vanished Discord's voice, as both spotlights snapped on, immediately followed by the main arena lights. "Now fight!"

Luna leaped from her starting point towards Daybreaker, wings spread. Daybreaker leaped too, but sideways, splashing down in the jello well out of Luna's path. Luna skidded through empty space and came up against the platform Daybreaker had begun from. She used that to spin around, trying to keep from slipping. Daybreaker, meanwhile, was using the ropes that surrounded the ring, she pushed off from them and slammed into Luna. Both mares went tumbling into the jello, sliding through the cool green goo.

Daybreaker immediately got a hold on Luna, and tried to push her head down into the jello. Luna lashed out expertly with one wing, breaking the hold and twisting under Daybreaker. She slid free and rolled away. Daybreaker got to her hooves, ready to pounce on Luna as soon as she rose, but instead of getting up, Luna swept one hind leg across Daybreaker's, knocking her down into the jello again.

She grabbed her opponent and held on, and the pair rolled in the slime for a time, slipping and sliding as each tried to get the upper hoof. Luna managed to end up on top, with one hind hoof on one of Daybreaker's wings, a more effective pin than she could have hoped for. She grinned down at the fiery alicorn, whose mane and tail were sizzling faintly as they melted the jello around her. "Ha!" she said, triumphantly.

"Ha indeed." Daybreaker lowered her lids, looking at Luna through her lashes, and attempted to duplicate her earlier overthrow of Celestia by leaning up and kissing Luna.

Luna, however, seemed prepared for this, and her strategy was quite simple. She kissed back, hard.

Celestia, sitting in the audience and watching, felt her cheeks heat up. The sight of "her" kissing her sister was wrong in all the right ways. The rest of the shadowy audience seemed to agree, for there were cheers and whistles and whoops of encouragement sounding all around her.

Daybreaker's half-lidded eyes flew open, and she pulled back from the kiss, but Luna pursued her, taking shameless advantage of her position on top to press Daybreaker's head back into the jello and keep the kiss going. She pressed down with her body, too, her one leg still keeping Daybreaker's wing pinned, while her front hooves kept Daybreaker's own front hooves pinned down as well, but her other hind leg shifted to rub against her opponent intimately, sliding slickly on the slimy, melting jello that covered them both.

Discord's booming voice was counting down again, Luna definitely had Daybreaker pinned, but Daybreaker didn't even seem to notice, she was kissing back willingly now, and making little moaning sounds into the kiss as Luna's leg rubbed against her. Celestia, watching, felt her entire face burning. And other things were getting heated up too. If this didn't end soon she was going to leave a puddle on her chair. Which was so wrong, watching her sister and her other self make out shouldn't be turning her on. Yet the wrongness only made it hotter.

"...two, one! Moonbutt wins!"

Luna broke off the kiss and grinned down at Daybreaker. A parade of expressions crossed the defeated alicorn's face. Surprise, dismay, and anger went in swift order, followed finally by amusement. "Defeated by my own desires. How psychological." She leaned up and gave Luna another swift smooch, and then suddenly vanished, leaving Luna alone in the ring.

Luna climbed out of the jello-strewn mess and shook herself off as best she could. Celestia hopped up from her chair, trying to control her blush. "Good job, uh, defeating her," she said. She'd almost said "Good job kissing her."

"I knew I could use her own tactics against her!" said Luna, still grinning carelessly, as if she had no idea how utterly wrong what she'd done was. Celestia just nodded, certain that if she responded she'd manage to say something revealing.

Luna looked around. "But where is the door? Surely this challenge is finished?"

"Did you not hear the rules, Princess Buttybutt? Only winners can move on." Discord's immaterial voice broke into a cascade of laughter.

Celestia sighed. "So what, then?"

"What do you think, Sunnybutt? You must win a wrestling match in order to move on. So, shall we proceed? Blue corner, red corner, cake-eating butts, etcetera?" There was a snapping sound, and Luna and Celestia faced each other across a fresh ring of jello.

"I suppose if we must," said Luna. She merely stepped down rather than leaping this time. "But as I know Celestia must win, what is the point? I could merely lie down and let her sit atop me, and call it a win."

"Oh yes, that would do just fine! Come, Sunny dear, and sit atop your sister, holding her down, while you have your way with her, reaching a climactic victory and becoming the reigning champion of the jello ring!"

Celestia flushed bright red. Luna tilted her head and stared at her with a puzzled expression, but then understanding dawned and a hint of pink colored her cheeks. "Daybreaker is not my sister," sputtered Luna, suddenly putting two and two together.

"No? And I suppose you were never Nightmare Moon?" asked Discord, mockingly. "But come, act out your little incestuous play. I insist."

Luna put her ears back, looking annoyed. Celestia looked away from her, trying to get her blush under her control. When she looked back, Luna was lying down on her stomach in the jello, not quite meeting Celestia's eyes. "Let us get this over with," she said.

"Right. Yes. Let's." Celestia walked over to Luna and climbed awkwardly astride her back, glad that they weren't face to face. Just as she had that thought there was an echoing snap from somewhere in the darkness, and Luna was suddenly on her back, Celestia straddling her belly.

"Discord," muttered Luna through gritted teeth, but her blush was back as well.

"I suppose a 'now kiss' is too much to ask? What if I said you had to before I'd let you move on to the next puzzle?"

"The rule is pinning down and winning, Discord, not kissing," said Luna. "And I'm pinned! Shouldn't you be counting?"

"I make the rules, my dearest Lunabutt. I think I'm changing them. Now kiss!"

"Oh for-" Luna cut off her complaint and rolled her eyes.

Celestia was still trying to not even look at her sister, though she was very, very, very aware of the warmth of her body beneath her.

Suddenly Luna's hoof reached up and touched Celestia's head. "Let's just do this and get it over with, sister," she said.

"I... ah..." Celestia hesitated.

"Come now," said Discord. "I promise that I will count the kiss as a win—oh my yes—and let you both advance if you do."

"Very well." Celestia leaned forward and brushed her lips to Luna's in the swiftest possible kiss. Then she flung herself back from her sister. She'd forgotten about the jello, though, and her hooves slipped so instead she just tumbled awkwardly atop Luna's legs. She quickly rolled aside, getting herself thoroughly coated in green goo.

Luna picked herself up out of the jello, and both ponies looked around for the exit, very much avoiding looking at each other. The phantom audience vanished, and a spotlight snapped on, illuminating a door with a glowing green EXIT sign over it. Both alicorns sighed in relief and began making their way towards it.

But as they did so, Celestia could still feel the shameful, tantalizing, phantom feeling of Luna's lips against hers.


	8. The Rat Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains weird costumes, pointless nonsense, and humiliation.

Celestia stepped into the next room with Luna on her heels, yet no sooner was she inside than she found herself standing alone. She was on a platform, looking down on a maze with a glass ceiling. A speaker sat next to her, with a microphone beside it.

Luna, meanwhile, also found herself alone, standing at the end of a featureless corridor, which stretched forward to a t-junction where she could go right or left.

"Celestia?" called out Luna.

"Luna." Celestia heard her sister's voice coming through the speaker. She looked out over the maze below and spotted a speck of dark blue at one edge.

"Celestia? Where are you?"

"I'm above you," she said into the microphone. "You're inside a maze."

"Ah. And you can see where I should go?"

"Yes." Celestia scanned the maze, looking for the exit. She soon found it. The maze was really fairly simple. It wouldn't take long for Luna to navigate it. "You should go ahead and then to your left."

"Ah, ah, ah, don't get ahead of yourselves," said Discord, popping into existence next to Luna. "This is a rat maze. Rats only!" He grinned broadly as he snapped his fingers. A rat costume appeared in one of his hands. He grabbed Luna with the other, and somehow instantly stuffed her into the rat costume, layers of fur and stuffing muffling her body, a hood with a rat's face going over her head, her muzzle sticking out of its mouth. A tail trailed behind, her own tail wadded up within, and her mane too was covered. Other than her face nothing of her was visible, everything wrapped in layers of padding and mangy fake fur. The rat's face looked out above her own, with huge, staring eyes. The head was big enough to cover her long horn, a stupid smile plastered across the costume's face.

The head's big bucked teeth hung down in front of her eyes, almost obscuring her vision. The padding around the rat costume's rear, that made it more or less rat-shaped, was so fat that she could only waddle slowly forward. The whole ridiculous contraption made navigating the maze a much more difficult prospect.

"Have fun!" said Discord, and vanished again.

"Fun, sure," muttered Luna. She began to waddle awkwardly forward. "Left, you said, sister?"

"Yes."

"Very well. I hope this does not take long." Luna headed down the corridor and turned left. Ahead the nearly featureless maze walls stretched out unbroken until a four-way junction.

"Take another left here," said Celestia.

"Right."

Celestia laughed, trying to keep a bit of humor in their annoying and humiliating situation. "No, left."

One corner of Luna's mouth quirked up and she chuckled a little as she walked along.

"What the..." Celestia's confused voice made Luna stop and look around, but she saw nothing but the boring walls of the maze.

Celestia, though, was looking down from above, and she could see that a large sort of inverted basket or birdcage top had appeared above Luna. It was bright red and slightly shiny, made of some sort of plastic or lacquer. It hovered above for a moment as Luna tried to figure out what it was and what she should do about it. Then it dropped suddenly, and Luna let out a yelp as it covered her. Matching red bars appeared under her costumed hooves and the whole thing lifted up into the air again, carrying Celestia with it. It floated back to the beginning of the maze and descended.

"Oh buck me," said Luna tiredly. The cage or basket or whatever it was vanished, and she was right back where she'd started.

"I guess you need to avoid those? I'll warn you if one appears again."

"Thanks. Though avoiding one may be easier said than done in this absurd... outfit." She started to waddle forward again. She'd taken the first left and actually reached the second before another cage appeared overhead.

"Cage, uh, thing," said Celestia warningly, and Luna lunged forward, running awkwardly in the rat suit. The cage dropped, but she'd gotten just clear of it. It touched the tip of the rat tail trailing behind her, but didn't catch her.

She breathed a sigh of relief and looked back at it. It rose into the air and vanished. "Very well then." She turned back to the corridor. "Where shall I go now?"

"Uh. After this left you'll go right next."

"Right then." Luna managed a small smile, and headed onward.

Celestia directed her through a few more turns, and to dodge a second falling cage. Luna waddled along, feeling the costume rub against her uncomfortably with every step. She wanted to run, but a real gallop would be impossible and even a trot would exhaust her in this horrible, awkward costume. So she waddled, making her way through each turn as Celestia directed her.

"Hmm. I see something up ahead, but from here I can't tell what it is," said Celestia. "Take the next right."

Luna turned right, and as soon as she was around the corner, she saw the object Celestia had no doubt spotted from above.

It was a giant mouse trap, completely with a wedge of cheese. It filled the corridor from one side to the other, so she couldn't simply go around it. The costume covered her wings, so she couldn't fly. And it was too long to leap over. She regarded it in puzzlement for a while.

"So what is it?" asked Celestia eventually.

"Oh, sorry. It's a giant mouse trap."

"Heh. Of course. So... you have to climb over it."

"Yes. To safely do so, I think I must spring it first. Well, let me put this aggravation to good use." She reached around her hindquarters and pulled the rat tail in front of her. It was long enough that she could hook a hoof around it and poke the tip of it at the trap, if she stood fairly close to it.

With a startlingly loud _snap_ the trap closed on the fabric tail. Luna jumped, the bar of the trap had whipped down right in front of her muzzle. But her plan had worked. Only now the costume's tail was stuck in the trap. She tugged at it, hoping it would just slide free, but no such luck. She planted a hind hoof—clothed in a fake fabric rat paw—on the trap and grabbed the bar with her similarly clad front hooves. If she hadn't been in the costume it would have been simple, she was strong enough to lift the bar a little bit. As it was she had difficulty getting a grip, but eventually managed to yank the tail free.

That done, she couldn't help pausing to examine the cheese that had baited the trap. She sniffed it, then took a nibble, and found it was a rather decent white cheddar. If she hadn't still been stuffed full of cake she might have eaten the whole big wedge, she quite liked cheddar.

"Luna?" Celestia's voice made her jump, and she felt her cheeks flushing. Then she scowled. Why should she be embarrassed to be caught eating cheese? Ponies ate cheese too, it wasn't just because she was in a rat costume.

"Nothing, just seeing if it was really cheese. Where do I go next?"

"Go straight at the next junction, then turn right. Oops, cage, hurry!"

Luna ran as best she could, and thankfully managed to avoid being dragged back to the start of the maze.

"You're about half way now," said Celestia.

"Good." Luna wished she knew if they were halfway through Discord's whole "game." She was tired and frustrated and very much ready to be done. Of course she'd been ready to be done since the very first room. This was all very vulgar and far too sexual for her comfort. Even the things that didn't seem sexual still had strange overtones.

"There's something else up ahead, the floor is a different color. I can't tell what that is either."

"I shall investigate." Luna saw the patch of floor, it filled the hall side to side, though it wasn't terribly long. It was a sandy brown color rather than the light gray of the rest of the floor. She approached it cautiously. When she reached it, she tapped it with one fabric-clad front hoof. The fake paw sewn onto the costume's foot touched it and stuck. Luna had to pull hard to yank it free.

"It seems to be a glue trap."

"Hmm. And you still can't fly over it. Jump, perhaps?"

"Perhaps. Were it not so ridiculously clad I could clear it easily. As it is, though..." She looked at the stretch of glue-covered floor. It really wasn't that long. She might be able to make it. She took a step back, half-crouching, then ran forward as fast as the costume would let her, and jumped.

She almost made it.

Her front hooves came down well clear of the glue, but her paw-clad back hooves landed on it, and stuck firm. Luna flopped awkwardly forward as her hind legs stayed put and the rest of her tried to keep going. The suit was padded enough that she didn't hurt herself when she sprawled belly-down on the floor, but it was hardly dignified.

She tried to get up, but her hind legs were still stuck. "Horseapples," she muttered under her breath. With a lot of flailing about she got herself upright, but she was still stuck, quite firmly.

"Uhm, Luna?" Celestia's voice sounded worried.

"What," snapped Luna as she struggled to get free. Her actual hooves weren't stuck, it was just the costume. If she could manage to tear the fabric, she could get loose.

"You'd better get free soon, there's a giant cat loose in the maze now." Celestia had just seen a hidden door slide open in one of the maze's outer walls, and a huge cat bound through the opening and into the maze. It was an orange and white tomcat, sort of. It was not only bigger than any normal cat, but with a heavier, broader build, longer claws, and fangs that were practically saber teeth.

It was some distance away from Luna, so she couldn't see it, but she heard a roaring meow and began straining harder against the glue that bound the costume's rear paws to the floor.

Finally, with a sound of tearing fabric, she yanked herself free.

"Ahead and then left," said Celestia. "Quickly!"

Luna broke into an awkward run, moving as fast as the restricting outfit would let her. The cat monster paused and sniffed the floor at a corridor Luna had passed down earlier. It let out another roar and bounded forward, following Luna's trail. Luna, of course, couldn't see that, but Celestia could. She wanted to urge Luna to hurry, but knew her sister was already going as fast as she could. The end of the maze wasn't that far off, if she could just reach it, she would hopefully be safe.

"Turn right here," she called out into the microphone as Luna reached another junction. The cat was getting closer. It looked like Luna might not make it. "Hurry, it's almost to you!" cried Celestia, helplessly.

Luna didn't reply, she needed all her breath for running, though the awkward, waddling canter she managed could hardly be called a run. Celestia directed her around another corner and there, ahead, was the exit to the maze. But even as she glimpsed it a heavy blow spun her sideways into the maze wall. The costume softened it, but the impact was still stunning. The cat had caught her.

She scrabbled frantically, trying to get her hooves under her. At least having torn the hind feet out of the costume gave her slightly better traction than she'd had before. Her every instinct said get her wings open, get her horn pointed at the enemy, but the costume muffled her wings and the massive, stuffed head enclosed her horn. She faced down the cat all the same, but it simply batted at her once more, tossing her down the hall.

She rolled, and managed to come up on her hooves once more. The cat was using its claws, so the costume was getting a little bit the worse for wear. Luna shouted a wordless war-cry and leaped at the cat. It would have been horn-first, but of course her horn was still covered. Still, it was a valiant effort that proved entirely futile. The cat simply slapped her out of the air.

The monster batted her around for some time, and Luna was getting slower and slower to get back up after each blow. Suddenly Celestia said, "Luna! Play dead!"

The cat looked around at the sound of her voice, but seeing nothing, it went back to pawing at Luna.

"Oof!" Luna hit the wall again and lay there, but managed to say, "What was that?"

"Play dead! It's just toying with you. When you get up, you're giving it what it wants. If you lie still and be completely boring, it might go away."

Luna had gotten up again while Celestia was speaking, and the cat once again batted her into a wall with stunning force. She slid down and lay at its base. "That... sounds like... a good idea," she croaked out, and closed her eyes.

The cat crouched slightly, watching her, waiting for its toy to get up again. Luna held very still. The cat held still too, save for the lashing of its tail. At length the cat grew bored, but instead of leaving, it rose from its intense crouch and began grooming itself. Luna would have sighed, where she not concentrating on staying still and silent. Of course. It would be too easy if the monster simply left. Nothing could be easy, could it?

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the cat finished. It rose and came over to Luna. She held her breath. The cat sniffed her a few times, then prodded her with a paw. She kept still. The cat prodded her again, then apparently decided she really was dead and turned and stalked away, its tail waving nonchalantly behind it.

No sooner was it out of sight than Luna scrambled to her hooves. She waddled as swiftly as she could to the exit of the maze and practically dove out the door. Even as she left the maze a door opened up beside Celestia, and she too stepped through, headed on to the next challenge.


	9. Horseapples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains diapers, piss and scat.

Celestia and Luna found themselves once again standing side by side in a mostly empty room. The walls were painted brightly, as the rat maze had not been, but most of the other rooms they'd visited had been colorful to the point of being garish, so that wasn't surprising.

The room was large, and it was scattered with oversized foal's toys. Luna and Celestia exchanged glances. They were foal-sized in comparison to the room, but both of them still looked normal. They also were once again unclothed. Somewhere in the transition Luna had lost the tattered rat costume, and Celestia the spandex wrestling costume she'd still been wearing, though bits of dried-on jello still caked both their coats and manes. Luna was also still bruised and aching from the pummeling the monstrous cat had given her, but she was largely unharmed.

They walked out into the room, looking around more, and eventually noticed a low bench or table against one wall that had their cutie marks painted on its white wooden side in bright, primary colors. The table was low enough that even though they were small compared to the room it was still low enough for them to see what sat on it. It had a pair of flatish pads, one in yellow to go with the color Celestia's cutie mark had been painted, one in bright blue for Luna's. Each side had a white, folded fabric object sitting on it. After a puzzled moment, Celestia recognized the pad as a baby's changing pad and the object on it as a diaper. She reached out a hoof and found her cutie mark on the diaper's butt, with "Princess Poopy Pants" written above it in an untidy scrawl.

"Lovely." That was Luna, who was looking at her matching diaper with disgust. It was big enough to fit her, which was hardly surprising, all things considered. Hers said "Princess Poopy Butt". "I suppose I shall be required to wear this... thing."

"Why yes, you shall!" Discord's disembodied voice sounded cruelly amused. Celestia could just picture his nasty smile. "Now put it on like a good little filly."

Luna snorted. "I was never a good little filly, even when I was a filly."

Celestia couldn't help but chuckle. That was definitely true. She regarded the diaper in front of her with another long-suffering sigh. "And I suppose yet again this is the only way for us to rescue our friends?"

"Such a bright little foal!" Discord's voice dripped with condescension. "Good girl! Yes! Now go on, put it on."

"Ugh," said Luna, and Celestia nodded her agreement. Celestia picked up the diaper. She cringed as she looked at it. But after all they'd gone through, what was one more humiliation, really? Fastening the diaper on herself was awkward, but she eventually managed to get it wrapped around her and the tabs that secured it fastened in place.

She looked over at Luna, who had managed to get her own diaper on as well. Luna shuffled her hooves, scuffing the floor uncertainly. "Now what?"

Luna shrugged. Then her eyes flew open in an expression of shock. Celestia would have asked what was wrong, but she suddenly felt a sensation that distracted her from any possible questions. She needed to poop. Very badly. She tried to hold it in, but the need was relentless. She clenched every muscle she had, her wings trembling with effort, but it was no use. A moment later she'd helplessly voided her bowels into the diaper.

Feeling horrified and ashamed, she looked over at Luna. The horror on her sister's face told her that the same thing had happened to her. The diapers must have had some enchantment on them that forced the wearer to fill them. Celestia felt her hindquarters wrapped in a wet, warm, mushy awfulness and shuddered.

A moment later she filled the front of the diaper as well, emptying her bladder, adding to the damp heat.

"Discord, if I ever get my hooves on you, you will heartily regret it," gritted Celestia through clenched teeth.

"He is a foul, horrid, disgusting creature," said Luna, her ears down flat. "But we must solve this vile excuse for a puzzle, I suppose, and get ourselves free." With a longsuffering sigh Luna added, "I hope there are not many more puzzles ahead, I am heartily sick of this."

"Indeed. Let's look around and see if we can figure out what to do." The pair set about searing the room, though every step was wet and uncomfortable with the dirty diapers wrapped around them. They found nothing that seemed useful. The scattered toys were just that, toys. There were no doors, and no furniture other than the changing table. Eventually they both ended up standing beside it.

With her face twisted in distaste, Celestia said, "I need to change my... diaper, ugh. Let's see if there's a clean one tucked away somewhere." But there was no sign of another diaper, and when Celestia went to remove the one she was wearing anyway, finally fed up with wearing it, she found that the tabs that had fastened it closed were gone, the diaper had fused into one single, solid piece, with no way to take it off.

"Buck," muttered Celestia. Luna scowled and tried to hook a hoof under her diaper's waistband and tear it off anyway, but she couldn't, it was tight to her body, and no amount of pawing at it with her hoof would budget it even an inch downward.

"Horseapples," said Luna, then flushed as she realized how literal that word was at the moment.

Just at the moment, both sisters felt another disturbance in their bowels.

"Oh no," said Celestia.

"Ugh," said Luna.

Then they both added a second load to their soiled diapers.

They searched the room again, more urgently this time, but still found nothing. Celestia sat down, tired and frustrated, and then immediately regretted it as the diaper and its disgusting contents squished around her hindquarters. "Gah."

"There has to be a solution. All the other puzzles have had one," said Luna, scowling.

"Knowing Discord, I wouldn't be so certain," said Celestia with a sigh. Then her eyes flew wide and she said, "Buck, not again," as once more her bowels began to rumble.

****

Some time later both princesses lay sprawled on their sides in the middle of the room. They had searched with increasing desperation, and had fought and struggled to somehow remove the diapers, but all their efforts had been in vain.

"I think my entire digestive tract is empty now," moaned Celestia miserably. The diaper around her was bulging, filled to the brim, and would probably have been leaking, but mercifully whatever enchantment kept it from being removed kept the edges stuck tight to her skin, so nothing leaked out. Still, she could feel it against her rump every time she moved.

"Ugh," was Luna's only reply. She was in the same situation, her diaper full to the point of near-explosion from repeated soiling.

They lay in exhausted, disgusted silence for a long time.

"I think I give up," said Celestia tiredly.

"Ugh," repeated Luna. There was a long pause. Then Luna suddenly sat up and screamed at the ceiling. "Are you happy, Discord? We can't solve it! I give up! There's no way out of your awful, terrible, vile maze, so we fail, _you win!_ "


	10. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains no fetish content.

" _You win!_ " screamed Luna, finally at the end of her rope. She'd been through too much, they both had, and neither princess could take one second more of Discord's demented, depraved game.

A pleasant chime somewhere overhead went "ding!" and in a flash of light the diapers vanished from both princesses, taking their contents with them. A gust of clean, lemon-scented fragrance blew over them both, and a door appeared against one wall, with a large, green EXIT sign above it.

"Ta-da!" said Discord, appearing between the princesses, who were now scrambling to their hooves. "I win, so the game is over. You're free to go."

"What about Twilight, and the rest of our friends?" said Celestia suspiciously.

"Go and free them." Discord grinned and gestured at the door. Celestia summoned the energy to trot through it, with Luna close on her heels. On the other side they found the dim room that Discord had shown them at the beginning, with its six fluid-filled tubes containing six brightly colored ponies. Now that they were there, however, one thing was immediately obvious.

The ponies floating in the tubes were cardboard cutouts, and the tubes themselves contained no liquid at all, they were merely painted with bubbles on the inside so that they looked as if they did.

The whole thing was fake.

"But... where are they?" asked Luna. "What have you done with them?"

Discord's grin widened. "I've done nothing at all with them. They're just where they've always been, going about their lives in Equestria, untouched."

" _WHAT?_ " bellowed Luna. Her horn began to blaze, and her wings opened wide. She set her hooves, ready to leap to the attack.

"Much as I'd love to stay and play, Poopybutt, dear, I have to go wash my hair. Cheerio!" and with a snap of his fingers he was gone. Or rather they were gone, the room vanishing around them, to be replaced a moment later by the familiar walls of Canterlot Palace.

"I'm going to murder him and paint the walls with his entrails," gritted Luna, her horn still glowing with enraged magic.

Celestia looked at her, and started to laugh. She knew it wasn't right, and really nothing about what had happened should have been funny, but she couldn't help it. They'd done all that for no reason at all. They'd been idiots, and in that moment it was the funniest thing ever.

Luna stared at her, her horn slowly dimming, then started to laugh as well.

Palace guards stared as the two princesses laughed and laughed until they were rolling around on the palace floor.

And somewhere in his realm of indescribable chaos, Discord laughed too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. Quite possibly the weirdest thing I've ever written, and given me, that bar is set very high. :D It's been a weird ride, readers. You probably noticed that! None of the things in this (except princess on princess smooching) is a fetish I'm super into, so it was a different sort of story for me to write, but I'll be honest: I had fun with it.
> 
> If you'd like to see me talk about writing, my works in progress, other creative endeavors, and my life in general, check out [my Dreamwidth blog](https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/) or my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bladespark).


End file.
